I was a little nervous about this week to begin with, due to the fact that I was supposed to teach and be in charge of absolutely everything for the entire week at my internship. That requirement was mandated by my supervisor, and agreed to by my cooperating teacher. Taking over some third graders and kindergarteners may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it's amazing how many little things there are to plan, how much stuff keeps you up at night, and how little brain space is left after you've done all your thinking about doing the job well. Nonetheless, I walked into my school on Monday ready to tackle the challenge presented to me. I had lesson plans printed, materials prepared, about 3 hours of sleep (due to aforementioned "stuff" keeping me up at night), and an optimistic attitude. There was a sub, however, and things only went partially smoothly. She wanted to teach one of the sections REALLY badly (she's a former teacher of thirty years, as she assured me many, many times), so I let her. She also turned out to be a crazy sticker lady, so the kids got stickers for breathing. What did they do with these stickers? They put them on their eyelids and made faces at each other, of course! I did get to teach reading, if you can call it that; I pretty much administered the weekly test to them.
On Tuesday, I walked back into school, still hopeful and with a positive attitude that now that my teacher was back, I'd be the one calling the shots and teaching what I had spent all weekend planning. Instead, my teacher insisted on administering the math test (fine), but then she also decided she was going to teach absolutely everything that day, and she kept assigning me tasks away from the students, like entering data into the computer and grading tests for her. Let me be clear that I don't mind doing stuff like that. However, at this point in my internship, the entire purpose is for me to be the one leading the class as though I'm the teacher. I cringed as I sat at the computer, entering MY lesson plans into her template, while I heard her teach something far different from what I had planned. My lesson plans for the rest of the week were completely screwed at this point. If you know me well, you realize that I cried that day after school on my way home. I was frustrated to the point of not ever wanting to set foot in that school again. I had only gotten the opportunity to teach one lesson to the students before this past week, and that was for my formal observation by my supervisor. I had lost lots of sleep, time, and energy trying to be prepared and trying to do my very best at giving these kids a decent education, and it was all thwarted within a matter of 4 hours of teaching.
On Wednesday, although I told my parents I didn't want to do this anymore, that I didn't want to come back, and that I'm incredibly unhappy right now, I did march my butt back to the school, bright and early as usual (or dark and early, actually). I was still not allowed to teach, and (spoiler alert) I didn't really get to teach at all this week. My supervisor came to the school to have a meeting with my cooperating teacher and me, and my cooperating teacher told her that I've been taking over planning and instruction all week, which as you know, was not the case at all. Eventually she sort of backtracked on that, and my supervisor emphasized that I really need to be teaching. Supposedly this COMING week, I will be teaching. Sounds familiar, eh? However, I'm trying again to be optimistic, prepared, and find ways to make learning valuable for these kids.
Friday I did actually get to do a little bit of teacher-y stuff, as my cooperating teacher was absent again in the morning. Unfortunately, my body chose that day to get one of those migraines that makes you feel like you just might violently throw up (pretty picture, I know). I had to leave at about 1:00 and just go home and go to bed.
Clearly this has not been the best week of my life, but I feel hope in the thought that I have only 2 weeks, a mere 10 days, left in this classroom before I move on to middle school science and math (who knew I'd ever look forward to such a combo?). It is finally the weekend, here to alleviate my boiling blood pressure and stress. Today, now that my migraine friend is gone, I will plan the week's lessons to the best of my ability, knowing that my actions are the only ones I can control. As I tell the crazy small children almost daily, "Make a good choice," Melissa. My good choice on this fine Saturday will be to finish those pesky lesson plans, and then sit on my butt and watch OU kick the snot out of Cincinnati. The end.
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